BRING ON THE INDIANS !
By Donald Groves

He yelled and screamed in the mike as the Indians galloped out on the field clutching their painted wooden guns!! Straight to the pioneers they rode swinging the guns trying to knock the block off any poor pioneer in the way. An old couple dressed in buckskin and calico failed to move, they were hit along side their heads, then drug across the field to a wing entrance. They were helped backstage where the ambulance took them to the hospital…They were OK and came back the next night to play again.

You have just been introduced to a John B. Rogers Producing Co. outdoor Historical Pageant celebrating the Centennial of Batch, Ohio. The main office located in Fostoria, Ohio, for over ninety years, helped villages, towns, and cities celebrate their birthdays. All over the country the Rogers Co. had Indians, pioneers, civil war, gay nineties, World War II and finally the fabulous atom bomb…

But first, the contract.

Selling pie in the sky required a special kind of salesman, part historian, part skypainter,with tons of bull. We had a book called the ready reference that listed all the data needed for a celebration-When the town was platted,settled, or incorporated and sometimes that they had a successful celebration twenty-five years ago. Armed with this information the salesman went into action. First, set a meeting with Mr. Big, who may be the mayor, one of the bankers, or the behind the scenes mover, but under any condition, hopefully, the party that got things done, in Batch, Ohio.

Sometimes you snuck into town to the local eatery, there ask a few questions-like who really ran the town, or did one family have roots way back in this town. All this you used at your first meeting with the Mayor, showing him why Batch should celebrate their centennial… Show him, how he would go down in history as the mayor during the great celebration. Next, set up a meeting with all his good buddies to show them how they would go down in history. They all yelled and hurrahed about the need for a big party.

Once you have separated the yes men from the real workers the rest was easy. They must form a non-profit corp. so that every one starts out “clean.” By the way, this is only going to cost z dollars and at fever pitch they sign the contract. No town was ever worse off for having a Rogers Co. celebration. Now we begin the real work…

Back at the red brick building in Fostoria the contract is accepted and the town is scheduled for costumes, scenery, and of course lighting equipment. However, the hardest part was to decide what director to send in to Batch…Ted loved to dress in a roman toga complete with crown and was a devout fairy, quite different from Larry who was a professor down south somewhere and very straight. We had a lot of part time people in the summer including Rob, who was a chiropractor during the rest of the year, and straight most of the time. Ron,a teacher in a small school in the east, who hated the fairies. Well-we will decide who goes in later…right now, we have to set up our consultant visit for good old Batch, Ohio.

Ah, the fabulous CV where we get to see how the locals will be able to pull off a celebration. First, the man who would get it done…The General Chairman, and help him getting the division heads appointed, such as revenue, participation, and the catch-all special events…The bible or cookbook called the Plan of Action details all the duties of the division heads along with the committees and how they fit into the master plan. At this point we also need to sell to them the need for revenue producing hats, ties, dresses, oil-can banks with many other goodies to sell the public. We also impress them with our knowledge of celebration know-how along with the need for banners, fireworks, and a super sound system at the football field. Oh yes, the great green field that will become, at night, a little piece of theatre descending from the great white way to Batch thus entertaining millions, well, maybe hundreds!

Now to the script,or paper brains, sprinkled with local history that will make the citizens of Batch both laugh, cry, and be proud of their history—Question??? How many ways can you bring in the pioneers?? They can enter from the right wing, from the left wing, up the middle, or as usually written in the script, they walked or rode in the wagons across the field. Scripts were fashioned from a smattering of local history with lot of general history from the area. That is, most areas of the country had Indians, so we need an Indian dance, to celebrate the harvest. Sometimes a town had great little pieces of history, as did Wabash, Indiana where the town was the first in the world to have carbon arc street lights. Of course, sometimes a local family did everything possible to prevent the telling of uncle Paul, or as the other locals called him, Peekin’ Potter. On to the civil war, world war I, world war II, and the ever present look to the future…

It is now about six weeks before the opening week and into town comes the leader,the Rogers Co. director, called by the Co. the BM and PM or in celebration talk, the business manager and pageant master. Many business managers resented being called B.M.’s. After meeting all of the important locals,i.e. the general chairman, division heads,committee heads and the athletic director of the local school. Don’t get us wrong,the AD is important, since we have to make sure his glorious football field will not be ruined by this celebration. We kiss…. his cheek swearing that our donation to the athletic fund will be in the mail, tomorrow…

Now for the Queens contest meeting-or sell them tickets, sweetie-find out who will print the forms, Brothers of the Brush certificates, and all the other material needed to produce a celebration. Meet general chairmen to talk about the printer, he says”I am the printer.” Forget that famous bid concept.

Out to the field for cast meeting and first rehearsal. There she is. Mr. Big’s daughter who wants to do Swan Lake instead of the gay nineties dance… Convince her that there will be a big New York scout here to look for new talent. she buys it then we are back to the gay nineties. An old farmer walks up, he wants to know if could we use an old Stutz in the show. We go wild telling him how it would be the hit of the show in the roaring twenty scene and we would protect it with our very lives, unfortunately the kids got bubble gum all over his leather seats.

There he is, a tall, skinny guy who will make a perfect Abe Lincoln, we go ask him about playing the part. Nope, he can’t remember the lines…So we tell him he doesn’t have to say anything, the narrators over there, they do all the talking…He will do it but he wants his name in bold print in the program. 0K… see the general chairman.

The head carpenter says they are out of beer, again, can they get some more??The set is almost finished, the scenery is up, and all of the costumes have been washed as we are ready for lights and action out on that green field. It is a typical summer night, clear, warm, with the smell of horse apples drifting across the field. All of the set construction, painting, electrical wiring are finished.

This is our opening night!! Our BM and PM, Terry the director, is so nervous he can’t even eat a sandwich so he prances around the narrator’s box hoping that everything goes well. The field darkens as the narrator says, “Ladies and Gentlemen, Batch, Ohio presents THE FIRST HUNDRED YEARS.”

Terry screams in the mike,”BRING ON THE INDIANS.”

The End

[box]This post is one of the winning entries in the Z-Arts 2013 Writing Contest and has been reprinted here with permission of the author, who retains the copyright. Opinions expressed in this piece are not necessarily those of the Zion Arts and Humanities Council.[/box]